GAZA CITY, GAZA STRIP - Following the assassination of their most recent leader, Abdel Aziz Rantisi, the Islamic resistance movement known as Hamas quickly filled their head position with an as of yet unnamed Palestinian man. Rantisi was the second Hamas leader to be assassinated by Israel in the past month.

"Ah... I really don't want this job," stated the unnamed man from a secret bunker located somewhere in Gaza City. "Can I pass on the offer? No? Shit."

The unknown man's name reached the top of a list of over 50 people that Hamas has defined as being "good leaders".

A masked Hamas spokesperson stated, "We'll probably be through that list by the end of August."