The following is a direct transcription from a tape tastes like chicken received, featuring a conversation between illusionist David Blaine, and John Edward, that creepy dude that talks to dead people.

John Edward: Dude, you're creeping me out. Quit staring at me like that.

David Blaine: I'm creeping you out? Whatever! You see dead people.

JE: Yeah? So?

DB: So?!? And you can talk to them!

JE: Well,.. yeah. But you sawed your ear off at that press conference.

DB: What?

JE: I SAID, YOU SAWED YOUR EAR OFF AT THAT PRESS CONFERENCE!

DB: So? You see spirits. You're in league with the Devil.

JE: Oh, like you aren't.

DB: Good point.

JE: And you entomb yourself in ice or in a coffin. Dumb shit like that.

DB: It's not what I do,.. it's who I am.

JE: Whatever. Your dead uncle told me to tell you that he thinks you're a douche bag.

[SOUNDS OF A SCUFFLE CAN BE HEARD.]

JE: What the-- ?!? Where did he go?

DB: Up here, jackass.

JE: How'd you get up on that pole?

DB: I'm a mystery.

JE: Oh, whatever. Your mom is going to die next April. I'll leave you up on your pole to think about which exact day it's going to happen.

DB: What?!? Get back here, you fucker!

JE: See ya, vampire!

[TAPE ENDS.]