Matthew McConaughey, you're so sweet.

Like a tasty butter dish I can't wait to eat.

24 years old, I finally think I'm ready,

So take me like The Whispers, and we can rock steady.

Critics might dis, call you a pussy, and make fun,

But I've seen you slay dragons, and plan a wedding for J-Lo's big bum!

Eyes so blue, shirt so tight, pretty mouth so full of promise,

Don't deny our love anymore, you hulking Aryan adonis.

We'll meet at a secret spot, and I'll braid your silken hairs.

And you'll charge ahead carefree as I cry, "But I poop from there!"